Top 10 reasons I’m glad Bush is President- a satire.

July 21, 2006

Feel free to add your thoughts in the comments section and I will add them to the list!

1. Constant entertainment. Did you happen to watch his speech at the NAACP? Better than any show on Comedy Central. I especially liked his history lesson about African-Americans..I am sure they learned a lot about their past that they did not already know!

2. Civil unrest. I mean, what is better than half of the country hating the other half? Liberals, you try to put a “peace” bumpersticker on your Prius and see how fast a Republican’s Hummer runs you over. On the other hand, Republicans, you can put a “Have you hugged your hateful, racist, overspending white Senator lately?” sticker on your Hummer, and well….um…I guess the Liberals can drive away silently in their Prius shaking their head.

3. Lower taxes. You might THINK you pay lower taxes because your paycheck went up about $0.53 per week. Every day on the news you hear about how Bush cut taxes again and its going to help YOU! I mean, you didnt need things like student loans, low interest housing loans, education for your children, police and firemen (and women), medical care you can afford, did you? Come on, only non-Americans need government assistance for anything!

4. War. Who doesn’t love a good war? I mean, as kids we all did our homework as fast as possible so we could go outside and shoot all of our friends with capguns and plastic semi-automatics. So, wouldnt it make sense that when we grew up we would want all war all the time? Bush talks about being the war President, so its a good thing he keeps starting them or people would stop believing him.

5. The environment. This is a good reason he is President. Personally, I love dirty air. I love waking up in the morning, going to work, and breathing in all that sweet, sweet brown air. When I get to work, I particularly enjoy drinking the green water out of the water fountain that came straight from underneath the local power plant. Like boating? Enjoy the oil spills and trash filled water. Like hiking? Well, too bad for that one, as the government needs this land to drill for oil. Sorry about that. But otherwise, a President who ignores science and common sense when determining his environmental policy is A-OK with me! I mean, big, greedy, polluting corporations need help too!

6. Marriage. Enough cannot be said about the sanctity of marriage. Man and a woman ONLY, ok? Who cares that if after they get married they cheat, abuse, steal, divorce, beat their kids or just kill each other…the sanctity of marriage must be preserved for every man and woman that wishes to get together. If you are gay…well forget it. Gay people dont cheat, abuse, steal, divorce, beat their kids (Ha! Like 2 dudes could have kids!) or kill each other, so why should they be allowed to get married? Besides, who wants to see two people who love each other be happy..Not me!

7. Wiretaps. A big thank you to Bush for checking up on my phone and internet records. So now I can subpoena you when I need proof that I actually did cancel my subscription to “Lovely Ladies” over the phone back in June and I shouldn’t be billed again! Besides, who better than to monitor our kids late night phone calls to their boyfriends and girlfriends, so parents can show up unannounced at those secret meeting places at the most inopportune moments!

8. The Decider. Finally, someone that can make up their mind on the important issues. Remember when other leaders used to take their time making decisions, doing such things as talking with other leaders, talking to their citizens, their peers? Some days I even used to ask the wife what she would do, but those days are long gone now. Ever since the birth of “The Decider”, I no longer ask anyone. And more is getting done! I dont really care if anyone actually likes my idea…I like it and I am the boss. I mean, The Decider. Look at this list alone to see all the great things The Decider has gotten us!

9. Americans are more popular than ever! I remember the time when I used to be able to travel internationally and no one paid me any attention. How boring! Now I can go almost anywhere, and the minute I start speaking english (our official language, you know) people start talking to me about Bush! They yell at me from across the street! Of course I cannot understand them, but I know they are just thanking me for what a great job Bush is doing around the world, uniting everyone. Go America!

10. My sore muscles from typing this. I know, I know, this seems like a strange reason to have Bush as President. But did you see him give that massage to the Cancellor of Germany? Man, what I wouldnt give for a nice backub like that.

If you have more, post them in comments!

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Comments (6)

  1. David says:

    Glad you enjoyed it! Just trying to take a lighthearted look at something that just irks me every day..

  2. Michelle says:

    Thanks for the laughs! I really enjoyed this.

  3. Through a Glass Darkly says:

    So true! Good job.

  4. David thank you very much for this post. I was on the floor.
    I must try and see if I can get a tape of the NAACP speech. I stopped listening to his speeches a few years ago.

  5. David says:

    You can see some of the speech HERE at Crooks & Liars

  6. Tracy Stokes says:

    Truly inspired!